Monday 29 June 2009

Break from the City

Our bodies and souls have been craving fresh air, trees that are not surrounded by concrete and wide, open spaces. So on Sunday we made an impromptu decision and went to an organic farm an hour from Bangalore called Navadarshanam (nope, we can’t pronounce it either) which is home to seven families living communally and run on Gandhian principles.

I don’t think we’d appreciated how much Maya needed a rural injection just as much as us. Alright, so Godmanchester is not exactly rural, but fields and meadows were never far from us where we previously lived. In Bangalore, all the orchards and open spaces are long ploughed up to build on every last metre of space and the closest thing you get to a field is a small patch of waste land, lorded over by lots of cows munching away at rotting fruit and vegetables. So yes, we all needed this. When we were being given a tour of the farm our guide, one of the community residents was almost apologetic, saying that there wasn’t really anything to see or do there. Perhaps he thought Maya would be bored. On the contrary, she was calmer and more at peace with herself than I’ve seen in a while. During the hours we were there, her endless tormenting of her little sister completely ceased, she chased dozens of butterflies, stroked the delicate ‘touch-me-not’ leaves which close up when you run your finger down the middle of them, shared gooseberries with some of the resident children, happily asserted her independence from us whilst we browsed in the library and chatted to others whilst she played outside and, most surprising of all, gobbled up every last scrap of the lunch we were given. The reason for my surprise is because this was proper South Indian fare, bursting with delicate flavours, coconut, curry leaves and mustard seeds. It wasn’t spicey though and this obviously won her over. Deepa, delicious though her food is, insists on pouring in half a ton of salt and chilli powder into her cooking and Maya ain’t having any of it.

Sadly, I left my camera behind so the photo above of Maya in contemplative mood wasn’t taken at the farm but a couple of weeks ago when we went to Deepa’s temple with her. I really would have liked to have taken a snap of her at the farm because, as much as Maya enjoyed romping through the fields, she looked priceless – a proper little city chick. She was wearing pink peppa pig sunglasses, a white bandana which was tied a-la-Maya, making her look like a cross between Bjorn Borg and the mad professor, combat trousers and a pink spotty hand bag which carried her plastic mobile phone. If she owned high heels, I have no doubt at all she would have donned these too.

The irony is not lost on us that whilst Andy and I are both undoubtedly country bumpkins at heart, Andy is just embarking on his career in urban water supply. But hey, the way we see it is that we’ll make the most of all that city life has to offer during the next years and then when we’ve had our fill of it, retire to a peaceful field somewhere and live in a cob house and have chickens. Oh yay. And then Maya can go and collect the eggs each morning in her high heels with her array of sparkly pink bags. After all, country folk are pretty much expected to be a bit on the eccentric side, aren’t they.

Saturday 27 June 2009

Cooler climes for an English Rose

Yesterday, Maya was in raptures because it was cool enough to wear a cardigan to school. A cardigan! Now this may not sound very exciting, but our Maya is an English rose through and through. You may remember in an earlier blog that Maya announced that she didn't like the sunshine and has reminded me of this several times since. And each time I just look at her and think, oh dear. India is possibly one of the worst places in the world to have an antipathy to sunshine. But she does a very good job of hiding away from it under her sunhat. But anyway, this is becoming less and less necessary as it's definitely cooling down and the last few days it's actually been - joy! - on the chilly side.

I've always been quite fond of cardigans myself because my name means cardigan in Spanish (seriously) and happily oblige in her cardy fetish, getting her all kitted out. The photo above shows Maya earlier today with long sleeves and no hat, enjoying the cool air. I'm not sure where we'll be going next, but if Maya had any say in it, I imagine she'd ask for the Mongolian Steppes or the Siberian Plains or hey, just England in winter time. Then our English Rose could don multiple cardies to her little heart's content.

Tuesday 23 June 2009

Maya's Leetle Lamb




After having written the other day that Lily is picking up some Indianisms, well she can't speak much yet whereas Maya obviously can and she's starting to come out with some brilliant Bangalorean talk. When she's in the mood, Maya sings so loudly and so vigorously that I feel sure she must be entertaining a far larger number than just her family. Latest in the Maya charts comes Mary had a little lamb. But in this song, 'little' is pronounced 'leee-tul'. And in the song she sung me today on return from school (I'd never heard it before), she warbled at top volume 'My God is sore wonderful', 'sore' presumably being her Indian pronounciation of the word 'so' as opposed to her God being in pain of any sort.

Whilst we're on the subject of the word 'so', the reason I've included the second picture of Lily having her cheek pinched is to demonstrate what both the girls have to contend with several times each day. Lily is completely blaise about it now whereas Maya still gives people a good slapping if they go near her cheek. The photo was taken at the weekend when we were just sitting there and I had my camera with me and suddenly a hand came in and SNAP! I got my photo. The cheek pinching is generally accompanied with words along the lines of 'Sorrrrrrrre sweet!' which is what reminded me of this and prompted me to include this little tangent in today's blog.

Oh, and talking of tangents, if you've read this far, please could you do me (or the Amazon I should say) a favour and click here to protest against the Brazilian government's legalisation of deforestation? Western superbrands (eg Tesco and IKEA) that we support are hugely benefiting from this. Have a quick read of the article and take 'cyber-action' at the bottom. C'mon, it'll take you five minutes. And I know I'm using Maya's blog as a soap box, but hey, it's her future.

Monday 22 June 2009

Role Reversal


Before I write this post, I'd like to point out that many of the taxi drivers in Bangalore are very pleasant, competent men. But today I had a big old run in with a taxi driver. Hmmm... so much for my switch from rickshaws to taxis keeping my blood pressure low...It got me so hot under the collar that when we were deposited from the taxi, obscenities being shouted after me, I must've looked like I was about to lose the plot. Because as we stood on the roadside, my face as red as a chilli, Maya kissed my hand several times and and said 'Don't worry, don't worry, everything's going to be alright.' I nodded up and down and thought yes, you're right, I must keep this in perspective. It wasn't until later on that I realised what a bizarre role reversal we'd fallen into, with my three year old daughter effectively telling me to calm down!

To treat Maya for her thoughtfulness (and to help calm her Mama's frayed nerves), we went on an immediate hunt for cake and ended up at a place we've been to several times. As we walked through the door they gave us that Oh no, not you look. And I can't say that I blame them in the slightest, because each time we've been, we've succeeded in transforming a genteel, clean and tidy little cafe into a complete mess with crumbs/cake/juice/spilt tea/puke all over the chairs/table/floor/wall/ceiling/waiters. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder if I'm fit to be mother to two small children. Nevertheless, one large chocolate muffin later, I felt much better and Maya led me by the hand back out on to the crazy streets of Bangalore.

ps - The family photo above was not taken today. Today, my face was as red as the headscarf I am wearing.

Saturday 20 June 2009

Goldilocks and the three chocolates


When I went to pick Maya up from school yesterday, she pointed to her chocolate smeared mouth with a sticky hand. 'Look - gog-luck,' she said with her mouth stuffed full of the stuff and then grinned at me with brown teeth. Delightful. 'How many chocolates have you had, Maya?' I asked, none too happy that she's being given chocolate at school anyway (I know, I'm a mean, miserly mother). 'Three!' she quipped, sticking her fingers in the air. But 3 is most definitely her favourite number at the moment because of her recent birthday so I 'm doubtful.

When I asked Maya's teacher how she got on today, the reply was 'Oooh, Maya did sooo well with answering the questions from Goldilocks and three bears so we gave her some chocolates.' I sigh - they think I'm a nightmare mother as it is, particularly since I said I wasn't happy about Maya watching so much TV at her 'Montessori' school and they gave me that Come on lady, give us a break, your kid's only here for 3 months anyway face. So I zip my mouth shut, but just before we leave, I try to say in a jokey voice (though it probably didn't work) 'Not too many chocolates. ok?!' 'Oh, don't worry!' replies the teacher. 'We only gave her six or seven.' Six or seven? In my books, that's quite a few. No wonder Maya loves going to school these days, what child wouldn't if they're fed six or seven chocolates! I'm about to say something in response but then I just sigh again and think, oh what's the point. After all, dozens of people I've met here have advocated that honey would work a treat on Lily's teething gums (I bet it would) and that cocopops is considered one of the healthiest breakfasts available.

So I think I'll just have to take off my chocolate police hat whilst we're here. Oh, and could somebody please book Maya in to see a good dentist when we're back at the end of september too? Ta very much.

Wednesday 17 June 2009

Lovely Lily






Yes, Lily is still with us. I know that sometimes her voice gets a little lost within all these tales of adventuring Maya, but isn't this always the case - that the second child has to shout louder to get heard??

Before I get on to Lily, since my last birthday blog, the excitement was clearly all too much for both Maya and myself: poor Maya must have devoured too much chocolate cake and it all reappeared during the night. Her cocoa hangover continued the following day and she was pretty glum, sensitive and exhausted. As for her mama, I finally succumbed to my first bout of Bangalore belly and spent the entire day in bed (I honestly can't remember the last time I did that), Deepa looking after Lily in the morning and Andy coming to my rescue in the afternoon. Thankfully, it seems to have been a 24 hour belly bug and am loving the curries once again today.

And so...our lovely Lily. Where to begin? She's turning into quite the little character. Here are a few things she loves doing:

* Climbing as far into the cupboard as she can go and making a little den back there
* Chewing away at any shoes she can get hold of (She must have been a faithful dog in her previous life)
* Munching crayons
* Antagonising her big sister. Seriously, she gives as good as she gets. If Maya annoys her, she goes in for the kill and bites her very hard. And a bite from a teething baby is painful, believe you me.
* When we come to a standstill in trafiic, flirting with nearby motorcyclists and car drivers from inside the rickshaw and making them all smile. She beams at everyone and even smacks her lips at the lucky ones.
* Dancing. As soon as any music comes on, if she's sitting down she sways so vigorously from side to side that she nearly topples over and if she's standing up holding on to something, she bounces her little chubby legs up and down like a proper diva.
* Eating. Lily luuuuurves her food and every single meal time eats twice as much as her big sister. (Though I've discovered one - just one food she won't eat and that's my home-made hummous - hurrumph!!)
* Walking, which she's not far off doing. She now monkey walks around just holding on to one of our fingers. I just hope I'm there to see her first steps (I wasn't with Maya!)

Lily has also picked up a few 'Indianisms' from Deepa. Here's my favourite: Many people here, rather than saying 'yes', incline their heads upwards slightly and say 'uh', which actually sounds close to a grunt. I know that 'uh' is easier to say than 'yes', but it's priceless to hear her say that in the exact same way as Deepa.

Apart from her painful teeth (for which homeopathy BC21 is working a treat), Lily has been a very happy, very healthy little girl, the healthiest of us all in fact. She's changing so quickly, as you can see from the photos and I just can't wait to get to know her better. As I promised a few months ago, Lily - I promise I'll do a Lily blog one day and then you can take the centre stage. In the meantime, continue being the smiling, singing, dancing, gorgeous little girl you are. And please don't grow up too fast.

Sunday 14 June 2009

Maya is Free








Three years ago today, on a warm and sunny evening, Maya was born in our bedroom as Beethoven's Emperor Concerto was playing. Little did we know at the time how our lives were about to change or how, three years on, we'd be enjoying another sunny day with our two children on the other side of the planet. What a rollercoaster of a three years its been, with such tremendous highs and lows. But how amazing to have the opportunity to be here in India to celebrate our little girl's third birthday. I can hardly believe she is now three, or 'free' as she pronounces it. But I rather like hearing her declare 'I am free!', so certainly won't change her pronounciation.

Before you think the first picture above I've inserted incorrectly, I wanted to add a picture of Maya's second birthday in Godmanchester. I had a touch of nostalgia this morning, thinking about all the great parties we've had under the birthday tree back home, celebrated with lots of friends and family, so thought I'd include this photo as a happy memory. This year couldn't be more different, we just had our little family and I had a few moments of feeling bad for Maya, that she wasn't surrounded by lots of the people she loves on her birthday. But you know what, it didn't last long. Firstly, because this feeling would then be washed away by that surge of excitement that sometimes engulfs me and says We're in India. INDIA!!! And that takes some beating. The second reason is because, as the day wore on, I realised that (no offence to loved ones back home!), as long as presents and even more importantly, CAKE featured in her day, Maya really couldn't have cared less whether she celebrated her birthday with two or two hundred people. Perhaps this wouldn't be the case a few years on, but for a two year old turning three, she was happy as larry and I can say with confidence that she had a fabulous day.

The photos above tell the story...Maya woke up to a decoration-filled room and a be-ribboned chair on which she ate her breakfast and opened her presents. The sunglasses she has on her head (thank you Nanny & Grampa!), amongst many other gifts were a great hit and have rarely left her face all day. She even refused to take them off for bath time. After a trip to our local tailor to get some clothes altered (I am in love with the tailors here - it's such a lost art in the UK), we went to 'Monkey Maze' for an hour. Monkey Maze is a big play centre with plastic balls, slides, climbing equipment and lots of books, games and toys and it's been the perfect afternoon out for us and we go about once a week. It's actually pretty calm as has only recently opened and is run by Anita, one of the kindest, loveliest people I've met since being in Bangalore. (Oh, and Maya's wearing her chosen pink dress in this picture that I scorned in a previous blog...and okay, I admit she looks pretty sweet...)

After some family skyping and lunch back home we headed out to the Jayamahal Palace Hotel for a swim. Her school friend Aanya was meant to be joining us but was unwell so instead it was just lil old us and our French friend Jean-Francoise we met when we first came to Bangalore. The weather was perfect - warm, but not too hot with a lovely breeze and we had a great time swimming, eating cake (note the tiger theme - thought it was apt since it'll probably be the only birthday Maya will spend in India. Or maybe not....) and drinking copious amounts of chai. Maya was on fantastic form and was coming out with some brilliant comments this afternoon, my favourite being 'When I'm younger, I'm going to climb up to the clouds.' Good plan Maya, can I come too?

We finished the day off back home with naked musical statues (Maya, not us!!) as we all boogied round the apartment to Buena Vista Social Club and a few episodes of Charlie and Lola and she is now away with the fairies, fast asleep with her pink sunglasses wrapped firmly around her face. So, our little one is three. And she is also free. We have seen so many children here who have their childhood's taken away from them. We have so, so much to feel thankful for.

Thursday 11 June 2009

Magic Maya


Having written just a few days ago how wonderful I thought Charlie and Lola (Maya's latest fad) were, I could now quite happily wring their giggling cartooned necks. The reason for this is because for some reason there is a particular episode that Maya has become obsessed with, when Lola is, in her words, feeling 'really, ever so not well.' As a result, whenever I now ask Maya to do something, she suddenly pulls the corners of her mouth down, puts on her best folorn face and often dives into her infamous horizontal position, claiming that she's not feeling very well. Hmm....perhaps I'll have to introduce the story of the boy that cried wolf to her a little earlier than I'd imagined...

Last night however, Maya was not feeling unwell and when I asked her if she'd like to come out with me she jumped at the chance. I've started volunteering one evening a week at a Leonard Cheshire home (an international network of homes and centres for people with various disabilities). The reason I chose this place is because I was a volunteer for a few years back in England at a Leonard Cheshire home and really enjoyed it, and although the Bangalore home couldn't be more different, I thought it would be interesting to stay with the same organisation. Maya and Lily nearly always came with me back in England and at the start, Maya was pretty scared of going but by the end, just before we came to India, she referred to the residents as 'our friends in wheelchairs.'

The residence here is home to females aged between 5 and 80, the majority of whom have polio. It's the younger ones, particularly those in their teens, that want to chat the most. When I turned up with Maya last night, they were very, very over-excited and of course Maya had to deal once more with lots of cheek-pinching and dozens of faces about half an inch from hers calling her name again and again. Naturally this was all just too much initially, and I had to explain in the gentlest way possible that she was happy to be here but didn't really like too much attention. We spent an hour there and I was really proud of the way she dealt with it. Whilst the girls were surprised that she was so 'shy' and didn't want to get up and sing and dance for them (seriously, that's what everyone seems to do here!), as her mother and someone who knows her well, she handled the inquisitiveness and excitement with a great deal of courage and grace. I could almost see her making a physical effort, and enjoying the feeling of bravery that came with this. She knew she was a 'big girl' as normally she would have been tucked up in bed at that time and she kept asking 'Is it night time? Is it night time?', a big grin spreading across her face when I told her that it was.

The girls told us that Maya means 'magic' and at one point we sat on the grass, eating mangoes with bats swooping over our heads whilst they serenaded Maya with a song in Tamil actually all about a girl called Maya. Whether or not she wants to return with me is another matter, I'll leave that one up to her. But here, like at the home in England, she is witnessing the incredible strength and creativity people display in the face of their disabilities and it's definitely never too young to be exposed to this.

Wednesday 10 June 2009

Thought for the day



Here's my thought for the day:

That you know your life has changed irrevocably when you hear your mobile phone ringing, pull it out, start trying to talk into it and only realise several moments later that you actually holding your two year old's plastic toy phone against your ear.

Monday 8 June 2009

Highs and lows


Oh to be at the age again when you can just kick your feet back and dance to your heart’s content, no matter who’s watching and no matter what you look like. The photo above shows Maya dancing on – ahem – a drain. We’d just got out of a taxi and she launched into a fabulous, impromptu dance (doubtless inspired by the Bollywood music that the taxi driver had been blasting out) which lasted about five minutes and then off she went on her way again. The other photo, incidentally, shows the road which Maya's school is on. (If you want to see any of these photos bigger, you just have to click on them.)

I am very, very happy and relieved to report that in the past several days Maya (on the whole) seems far more settled and content than she has done in a while. I’m sure there are a few reasons for this. For a start, her urinary tract infection, whilst not completely cleared up, is almost on its way out. There is also the matter of her impending third birthday which, when mentioned, sends in into such a frenzy of delight and excitement because there’s a new pink dress waiting for her and there’ll be a chocolate cake with a tiger on top and balloons and dancing and sooo many presents and, and, and….well the anticipation if it all is almost too much for a two-nearly-three-year-old to bear. Maya goes round sticking three fingers virtually up the nose of any person who’s happened to ask how old she is going to be. It’s wonderful though – her excitement is truly infectious.

The other, and possibly most significant reason why I think we’re being reunited with the old Maya is because she is no longer bored in the mornings. School, so far, has been a great success. The fight she puts up upon arrival is, according to Andy, incredibly half-hearted and once she sees that lots of the other kids are upset (Maya is the ‘big girl’ of the class, one of if not the eldest), she sets about comforting them and exerting her authority, knowing the place as she does from her summer camp days there. Although we go out every afternoon, a single morning can seem like an eternity to a little person, particularly if they're insufficiently stimulated. I feel bad about this now, because even though I was only escaping for about an hour or so to write in my bedroom, I do think that Deepa's attention was far more focussed on Lily rather than Maya and by the time I'd really figured that out, it was the end of the summer holidays anyway. So, let's hope that this new contentment at school lasts.

Having said that Maya is happier at the moment, there are two matters in which I am really, really struggling with her and I would just love some help or advice on these. Firstly, if she has a nap in the afternoon (instigated by her when she's tired - I no longer ask for her to lie down), the mood she wakes up in is something akin to a scene from an Alfred Hitchcock movie. It has got to the point that I dread it if she drops off because I can pretty much guarantee what'll happen later. Parents among you, have you ever experienced this? Sometimes I can distract her with stories / snacks / drinks / songs etc etc but on other days, like yesterday it can take as long as two hours to get Maya to calm down from the complete state she has worked herself into.

Which leads me to the second matter that I'm finding it difficult to know how to deal with. Maya is a daddy's girl, no two ways about it. That's absolutely fine, but what is not so fine is that at some stage most days (often during one of her post-nap meltdowns), Maya clocks that Daddy is not there. And she wants him to be. Knowing that he is at work and cannot come home makes her desire to see him there and then even stronger and everything gets very emotional. Short of me morphing into Andy, I don't know what I can do. I've tried reasoning with her, promising that he'll be back soon, trying to put her on the phone to him...all kinds of things. But more often than not I end up feeling like a wicked stepmother rather than Maya's flesh-and-blood-Mama! Help?!?! What to do, what to do....

Andy keeps reassuring me that what we are experiencing with Maya is completely normal. I tell myself that he's right, but I must confess there are times when I watch her writhing around on the floor in what looks like phyiscal but is actually emotional agony and I think What is going on? And what on earth can I do? More reassurance needed, pleeeeease!!

ps - On another note entirely, does anybody own the book 'The Reader' and would be prepared to send it to me out here??? A bit cheeky asking I know, but books here are quite pricey. I recently saw the film and really enjoyed it but am sure the novel must be even better.

Saturday 6 June 2009

Post Offices and Pink Temples


If I'm ever having one of those afternoons when I'm thinking how on earth am I going to pass these long, hot hours before evening falls without Maya or Lily or me or all three of us losing the plot, sometimes we go to the post office. I know this may sound like a strange afternoon activity for two small girls and whilst it may not always be 'fun', one thing I can be guaranteed of is that it will be lengthy. Which has its benefits. Plus there's the bonus that it's situated right next to the 'pink temple'...(more of that later)

Maya quite enjoys these trips to the post office. For a start, she gets to sit on the high counter top and indiscriminately comment on whatever takes her fancy in the way that only small children can get away with (Last time, she pointed to one of the employees and shrieked at the top of her lungs 'Mummy! Look at that man's beard!' So I did, and so did everybody else in the post office, including all the poor man's colleagues who stared and stared at his rather splendid wizardesque beard as though for the first time). Secondly, Maya enjoys this outing because she invariably gets to see Mummy in a complete flap which must, admittedly, be pretty entertaining. It is never a straightforward matter going to the post office. Never. Ever. Here is what happened about a week ago which typifies my general experience there:

Me: Please can I post these cards to England?
Post Office Employee: Certainly. That'll be fifteen rupees for each postcard.
Me: Oh. But last week I came it was eight rupees and....
POE: No madam, it's fifteen rupees.
ME: I've just put about ten postcards in the postbox outside with eight rupee stamps on them.
POE: But Madam, it's fifteen rupees. Who told you it was eight?
Me: (I look at her hard. Names, I must admit I'm pretty useless at but faces I rarely forget). You did.
POE: No, Madam.
Me: Yes, Madam.

I can see we're getting nowhere in a hurry, the queue behind me is growing and I'm pretty sure it was at this point that Maya interjected with her beard observation which didn't much help to speed things along. So I try another tack.

Me: Right, so it's fifteen rupees. Fine. I need five fifteen rupee stamps please for these cards.
POE: Certainly.

Brilliant, half the problem solved. But I still need to get my postcards back and I take a deep breath.

Me: Please can somebody unlock the postbox for me?
POE: Why?
Me: Because I just posted lots of cards in there with eight rupees on them.
POE: Oh, no problem Madam, no problem. They will get there.

Right. Now I'm confused. Very confused. And hot and sweaty and Lily is doing a wriggling eel impression in the sling and Maya is doing a noisy rendition of Little Bo Peep on the counter. And my nerves are starting to seriously fray. I put on my best pleading voice.

Me: Please can you open it? Please? Please? Do you have a key? Does anyone have a key?

The lady yells something in Kannada over her shoulder and motions for me to wait to one side whilst she starts serving other people. About ten minutes later, a man appears behind her who looks like he's just been woken up from his afternoon snooze and can barely keep his eyes open. A lengthy explanation ensues from the lady I was dealing with and eventually he slouches out then shortly after, returns with the most enormous sack of post from the postbox which he now needs to sort through to find my postcards. Please let me look! I want to cry. Please, or if not, could somebodyd kindly give this man a hearty injection of caffeine? But he's gone, off round the corner, dragging his sack behind him like some reluctant Father Christmas.

Approximately twenty minutes later, he re-emerges triumphantly with eight postcards. I can't remember how many I posted but I was fairly sure it was about ten. . By this stage, we've been regaled with one man's photos of his granddaughters in America, Maya and Lily have had their cheeks pinched about fifty times and Maya has hit one man who squeezed too hard. So I'm not about to send the man back to look for the other two. All I want to do is get these accursed cards in the post and get out of here.

I wait in the queue again, get to the front, ask for more stamps to make up the difference and then, only then does the lady say these words to me:

Madam, the cost of postcards has risen this last week.

What? What?? Why on earth didn't she just say that to me in the first place?! I know this wouldn't have changed the fact I'd still posted my cards in the postbox but knowing this may well have kept my blood pressure low. Some things I shall never, ever understand.

By now, I've lost several pints of water in my sweating and we're all pretty dehydrated so we go next door to the 'Pink Temple'. Now, as you'll see from the picture above, it's not particularly accurate to call it pink. But the fact that it has any pink in it at all is good enough for Maya, so pink it is. It is a Sai Baba Hindu temple, built for the devotees of the living Sai Baba, a South Indian guru, Hindu mystic and orator who also sports the most amazing afro ever (I mean no disrespect - it really is quite something). We love going to the temple as it is a cool, peaceful haven which smells of incense, sandalwood and jasmine. Everyone takes their shoes off and sits on the floor praying or in quiet cotemplation but last time a group of women were chanting and singing which I found wonderfully calming and restorative. Maya knows that this is not the place to belt out Little Bo Peep or any other song for that matter, and nobody seems to mind if Lily crawls around.

Whoever built the post office next to the pink temple (or vice versa) could not have possibly known that one day, a hot sweaty English woman with one child on her chest and another at her side would not be suffering a nervous breakdown as a result of this happy accident in town planning. Phew.

Thursday 4 June 2009

Actually, Rats and Writing


I have to recount a little tale that has, as its central character, not Maya. Not even Lily. No, a rat. This is, however, Maya's tale too as it affects my sanity...which of course affects Maya! To understand why Andy and I have slight phobias of rats these days, scan down to the From Rainforest Retreat... entry. So, what happened was that the other night, I got back from my evening yoga class and tapped on the door for Andy to let me in. I was greeted by one of Andy's eyes peering suspiciously through the barely opened door, then he grabbed me, pulled me in and shut the door firmly. Odd behaviour I thought, but then he told me what had happened just five minutes previously. He'd heard scratching at the door and, thinking it was me, had opened it to find not his wife but an enormous rat sitting on the doorstep asking to be let in.

I just cannot believe it. I thought we'd left the rats behind in the rainforest but for some reason rats really, really like us. I have no idea what we've done to deserve this honour. Perhaps I shouldn't be so harsh on the poor creatures just because they are traditionally abhorred but frankly, I wish they'd go and crawl over someone else's feet and knock on someone else's door. And before you think it must be that we're filthy creatures ourselves and the rats are trying to get in to eat the crumbs of cake left everywhere, remember that Deepa the star comes six mornings a week for goodness sake to clean. So no, our apartment is not dirty. I wish they didn't, but rats just love us. Opening the front door has never been the same since and we are no longer the English family, we are the Paranoid family.

On another note, some of you may have heard of the children's book series Charlie and Lola. If you don't have children, there's no reason why you would have done (I'd certainly not heard of them till about a year ago) but if you do, I imagine you've come across them in your childrens book and tv travels. Charlie is Lola's brother and he narrates the events of his amusing little sister's life whilst they romp their way through landscapes consisting of fairy cake mountains and
dance on the wings of butterflies. I must confess I'm quite taken with Charlie and Lola. Unlike several of the book/TV series aimes at kids which are sheer and utter gobbledeygook nonsense, Charlie and Lola are, in my opinion, genuinely funny and thought-provoking. But anyway, the reason I bring them up is because Lola uses a lot of words like extremely, absolutely and actually. Maya is at the age where new words are spewing out of her at the rate of knots and she is delighted to discover these lovely-sounding, long words. In the past couple of weeks since her Charlie and Lola infatuation began, many of her sentences have run something like this:

Actually, I'm not feeling well

or

Actually, can I do a puzzle?

or

Actually, is it lunchtime?


I read recently that between the ages of one and three (which Maya is fast leaving), the average number of words a parent addresses directly to their child varies from 600 to 2,000. So of course it goes to follow that the more words they hear, the more they'll digest and store up for later on. So for older children above 3, this number logically increases but often doesn't as parents feel their children won't understand what they're saying. But time and again, I am amazed at the words Maya comes out with, remembering that I'd used it a few times whilst reading her a book several months ago. So it's never too young to wallow in the glories of the English language. Not that actually is one of our language's finer words but hey, it's a start and I'm so excited for her to explore the magical world or words in the years to come.

Speaking of words, since my blunt literary agent rebuffal last week, I must admit my novel is now in hiatus. As Lola would say, I am absolutely going to continue with it, but I'm just pausing for a while for reflection. At the same time, in my grabbed hours here and there, I've also been working on a few other bits and bobs and it's not all bad because in the past week I've had a couple of achievements: an article I've written on dealing with insomnia (the subject I most love to hate) is going to be published in The Green Parent later this year and a short story called Honeysuckle, loosely based on my grandparents, is going in to a free London underground creative arts magazine called Notes from the Underground. I also have a short story called Nur's Ark (with the unlikely setting of a Middle Eastern zoo) being published in an Oakland based magazine called Monday Night. So while there's no joy on the novel front, there's much to be positive about.

ps - I know this photo above is a bit random but I thought it was lovely and colourful. I came across this small Hindu offering shrine whilst on a walk.

The girl of the horizontal inclinations



I've lost count of the number of times that Deepa has asked if Maya is ill. 95% of the times she has asked this, Maya has been absolutely fine, but the reason for her concern is that she's obviously not used to seeing a child who spends quite as much time horizontal. When Maya feels tired or overwhelmed or excited or contemplative or even just completely normal but just wants some time out, what she does is lie on her tummy with her head on one side and her hands tucked under her. She doesn't do this to go to sleep, but sometimes if she stays in this relaxed position for long enough, she drops off (as shown in this photo taken yesterday - she then proceeded to sleep for an hour and a half on the chair!).

Maya has been adopting this 'comfort' position for as long as I can remember and she doesn't just do it at home, she does it in libraries, at nursery, in cafe's, restaurants and parks. In other words, pretty much anywhere. I have no doubt if I allowed her to she'd stretch out across the length of a rickshaw.

The reason I bring this up is because entering this solitary comfort zone is so very Maya. I think she feels safe and secure in this position and will simply not come out of it until she is good and ready to engage vertically with the world once again. I do wonder how long her horizontal inclinations will persist - I have an obscure image in my head of a teenage girl getting bored in a lesson at school and stretching out on her front under the desks to zone out. Or several years on at work, finding an issue that has come up just too much and reclining in front of the coffee machine to take stock.

Perhaps not though - perhaps she will leave this habit behind her at the same time as stepping out of her toddlerhood skin. But I really don't mind either way - whilst she is horizontal, she is calm. And a calm toddler is a thing of joy forever!

Monday 1 June 2009

Maya goes back to school


Over the past few days Maya has definitely been feeling much better which is a relief. Every time we've mentioned nursery to her - or 'school' as we're now calling it, she has reacted in one of two ways, depending on her mood. Either she's been gripped with pain once again (good grief, she's not yet three and she's already learnt that trick!) or, more happily for us, she's seemed genuinely excited, puffed out her chest and crooned 'I going to schoooool!'

These dual emotions come as no surprise because this is exactly how she's feeling I imagine: both excited and apprehensive . So many questions keep whirring round my head - Should she really be going? Is this the right place for her? I say I want her to be treated equally, but then I'm setting her apart by asking her to be given space and for her not to be 'manhandled'....so there's lots of conflicting emotions for me too at this time. I'm sure that the times that Maya gets excited about school is when she remembers climbing the tree, snack time, dancing and singing and being surrounded by other children. But we can't choose when bad memories creep up on us too, and at the times she's 'ill' again, she's remembering the brusqueness, the rough boys on the push-along cars in the playground, the endless pointing to her BCG scar and wanting to know what it is (there is a constant weary fascination with this), the communication problems and the well-meaning but over-attentive helpers.

So yes, a nervous day for us all. Andy too, as school now starts at 9 rather than the 10am of summer camp so he will now drop Maya on his way to work. Imagine our surprise then when Andy took Maya in this morning, only to be told that for the first week back it's just a half-morning, and parents are to stay with their children to get them settled. Actually, I think it's a very good idea but it's fairly helpful being informed of these things! So I dragged poor sleeping Lily out of her tent and we went and took over from Andy. I think, I hope, I think, I hope it may be okay this term. Although upset initially to be there, Maya soon cheered up when she spotted all the fun activities to do and the cars in the playground.

When we left, I asked Maya if she'd like to go back the next day. 'Of course!' she replied in her 'der - what a stupid question' voice. I know this could change from one minute to the next but her first day back, at least, we have got through without any scenes and we can all high a great big collective sigh of relief.